Do any of these sound like you?

• You’re uber efficient.
• You know and use all the productivity tips–time blocking, batching, etc.
• You connect the dots faster than others and get to conclusions quickly.
• You never add this statement at the end of an email “Let me know if I missed anything” because you NEVER miss anything.

Sounds good, right?!

Does this also sound like you?

• You’re slowly losing the joy you used to have in your day to day life.
• You’re getting results. But, at what cost?
• You’re constantly following up with people to make sure they did their work.
• And that micromanaging is now flowing in to your personal life which isn’t welcomed as much at home:-)

If so, then you might be a perfectionist. Maybe not in all areas of your life. But, in some ways. As you may have noticed from the first set of questions above, these perfectionist tendencies might serve you in succeeding–especially if they’re based on your true gifts and talents plus align with your desired outcomes. But, I’ve also noticed that our drive for excellence doesn’t always come from our strengths or our deepest desires. It can come from a fear of being inadequate. In fact, the HBR shared a term  “insecure overachiever” which describes me and many of my clients pretty well.

Are you a perfectionist or insecure overachiever?

I thought this was a great description–”Insecure overachievers are exceptionally capable and fiercely ambitious, yet driven by a profound sense of their own inadequacy. This typically stems from childhood, and may result from various factors, such as experience of financial or physical deprivation, or a belief that their parents’ love was contingent upon their behaving and performing well.”

This type of person can be further described as follows: someone who deep down feels insecure about their abilities and for most of us there is an intangible quality about our knowledge for what we do. So, we’re constantly in “proving” mode. But, Martha Beck–PhD and world renown author and coach–even talks about how you could be in “proving” energy. A healthier energy would be “I’m here to share my gifts and talents.” She reminds us that we have a choice about which way we want to show up. And, you can be aware of which energy shows up at work and in our personal lives, too. You could even be confident. But, if you’re in constant doing mode and over-giving, you might want to ask why.

Is it your dedication to excellence or something else? In some cases, it might be your desire to do your best from a place of standards that are admirable. So again, this perfectionism or achieving energy might serve you well. It’s important to understand where your drive comes from. If it’s connected to your truth and joy, then it could be ideal to honor it. What if being a perfectionist in certain areas of your life was acceptable?

Next, let’s explore the impact of this way of living and the possibilities that might serve you even better. What if you could excel and NOT be exhausted or drained?

What is the impact of perfectionism?

Again, your perfectionist tendencies might have helped you to be successful in many areas of your life. Years ago, when I told a new client that I’m a “recovering perfectionist,” she chuckled and said I wouldn’t have decided to work with you if you didn’t have a bit of that in you. We recently reminisced about that story and we laughed so hard. She knew I understood her AND she knew I would provide high quality service. We still work together as she’s grown in her career to partner at her law firm, found and married the love of her life, and now has a beautiful son. My desire to provide coaching programs that serve her with excellence have become a win win situation for both of us.

AND, those same perfectionist tendencies–if used too often or in many areas of your life–can leave you exhausted as you don’t take breaks and you give 150% in everything you do. OR worse, you only give that way at work and feel guilty that you’re not doing enough at home. I’ve also seen competent, strong people decide to limit themselves professionally because they had to give 150% in their personal lives.

Noticing these patterns with myself and my clients, I realized that being a “perfectionist” in areas that matter most to us in a way that is meaningful doesn’t have to drain us. In fact, it can get us to the results we desire while feeling more joy and flow along the way as long as we recognize a healthy way to operate. This is where energy management comes in.

How do you move forward to productive and happy?

The key for being productive AND happy is to focus on energy management vs time management. This approach allows you to fill up with premium energy and then be productive from a place that is aligned with your true self versus forcing yourself or coming from a place of fear of failure or inadequacy. When I support my clients with energy management, we consider the four pillars of wellness–emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical. When you support each pillar, your energy can be regenerated and revitalized leading you to take action and be more in flow and therefore productive.

Below are four ways to practice energy management and finally say good-bye to exhausting perfectionism.

You’ll see typical ways we may have shown up in our lives along with new ways that will fill you up with premium energy related to the four pillars of wellness.

• Accept all aspects of you.

What is really draining is thinking we’re not good enough or only liking and accepting parts of ourselves. Could you just notice that side of you some might call a “perfectionist” that shows up as wanting to excel in some areas of your life and NOT in other areas of your life? Notice all aspects of you. The parts you like and don’t like. What if you could be a loving witness or observer of your life? No shame or judgement about who you’re being–either way. Just acceptance. How would that feel?

Typical Way – Wearing your perfectionist tendencies as a badge of honor while feeling stressed or the opposite end of the spectrum, having people criticize you for being too picky.

New Way – Noticing when your standards are high and determining if it’s coming from a place of excitement and desire or fear, obligation, and guilt.

This approach helps with the emotional aspect of your life. If you can be in “noticing” mode–especially around your feelings–and accept where you’re coming from, it frees up your energy. You can make a healthier decision about how you want to move forward from this place.

• Understand your values.

When you’re aligned with your truth, you feel clear about your sense of purpose and direction. More specifically, you’re clear about what matters most to you–in other words, your values. I work with my clients to uncover their top 5 values. Your values are present when you feel happiest. So, it’s helpful to build a life and your goals based on your values. At times, perfectionists–and most often “insecure overachievers”–end up building their goals based on shoulds and have tos. This approach is draining while honoring your values helps you to feel alive.

Typical Way – You feel lost and do several things like sending out resumes to a variety of companies–because you “should”–without being completely sure if you want the job.

New Way – Identify your top 5 values, create a career goal that honors your values, and look for a job that aligns with those values. 

The clarity helps with the spiritual aspect of your life. When you’re aware of your truth, you feel more connected. That connection can be a source of energy building a strong foundation to keep your momentum and motivation going to pursue your desired outcomes.

• Put time into activities that align with those values.

Make sure that any activity you do is aligned with your values. When you’re clear about your values and act in alignment with them, you can also better understand what not to do. If you’re doing something that doesn’t align with your values, you can ask yourself what is your true intention. Is it to lead to your deepest desire or does it come from a place of F.O.G. — fear, obligation or guilt. Why wouldn’t you always act in alignment with what makes you feel happier? The gift is that you’ll have more energy for the next activity in your life and all the things you don’t need to do will fall away leaving you feeling lighter.

Typical Way – Create a to-do list with anything and everything that comes up in your life.

New Way – If you’re about to engage in an activity that doesn’t align with your values, ask yourself what is your true intention. If it doesn’t come from a place of truth or love for yourself, then trust it doesn’t need to be done. (It will fall off your to-do list. If it really does need to happen, it WILL happen.) 

This step helps with your mental aspect. When you’re taking action aligned with your truth and values and not forcing “shoulds” or “have tos,” you feel lighter or mentally clear and it fuels your energy. You’re no longer paralyzed by “all you have to do.”

• Engage in active recovery.

It can be difficult for active people to “slow” down so we end up having 2 speeds. We’re either super busy or veg out and watch TV. Try an active recovery like they do at the gym. At the gym, you might walk in place in between burpees. In everyday life, you could walk, journal, read, or find a transition after work to help you decompress in a healthy way leaving you feeling revitalized to make better decisions.

Typical Way – Work hard all day and then come home, skip your workout, eat poorly, and watch hours of TV.

New Way – Be clear about what must get done that day, take action including active recovery options, make a healthy dinner, watch 30 minutes of TV or read a book, and go to bed.

This can help with physical recovery. After a packed day of activities, it’s helpful to restore your energy with activities.

To better understand your values and how they can help you with energy management, join me for my upcoming webinar “Create a Life and Career You Love–for Perfectionists!” where we support you in uncovering your values and understanding where you want to channel your energy for more joy and ease throughout your day while getting results.

I hope you find these tips useful and easy to implement so you can be productive and happy. If you want to dive deeper, join us for the webinar. Sign up here.