Have you been striving for that “ideal” life?
What some might say to “have it all” but it’s not happening?
Or, you don’t even believe it’s possible to “have it all” any longer?
It could feel hard to experience because you’re not sure what it is that you want to have. I’ve seen this so often and experienced this in my own life years ago. So, it became apparent that to “have it all,” you first must gain clarity on exactly what you want (i.e., what you value and would make you feel happier). Clarity about what you desire in life will help you create goals you’ll be excited to pursue. Seems obvious, but this clarity is necessary because sometimes I’m sure you’ve noticed you’re pursuing things you think you “should” versus what you truly “want” in life.
Well, if you know what you want, you can “have it all!”
When figuring out what I want, I like to consider how Tal Ben-Shahar, the Harvard professor and author of the book Happier, defines happiness as experiencing a balance of both meaning and pleasure (representing what you value in life). He explains that desired outcomes and goals (and actions to achieve them) must include these elements of what is important to you. They can’t only be related to doing “meaningful” work. They must also include an element of pleasure for you to feel genuinely fulfilled.
Because different things provide meaning and pleasure to different people, each person has his or her own definition of happiness (and ultimately success). Therefore, each individual can define happiness and ultimately “having it all” differently.
Here’s how you can do it…
Below are the next steps to help you define happiness or figure out what gives you pleasure and meaning. They include various self-assessments and exercises to create a “big picture” view of where you are in your life and then narrow in on what’s important to you. This valuable information will help you gain the necessary clarity for you to create meaningful goals and be more motivated to make changes in your life, setting yourself up for success.
Define Focus Areas
First, assess various areas of your life (e.g., health, career, relationships) and ask yourself how satisfied you are in each area. After this step helps you to see the big picture snap shot of your life, focus your goals on areas you’d like to improve.
- You can even rate how satisfied (or happy) you are in each area of your life on a scale from 0 – 10 (with 0 being the least satisfied and 10 being the most satisfied). Then, you can focus on any area you’ve identified as less than a 7.
Identify Strategies for Success
The type of assessment above also can help you identify strategies that are working in one area of your life (e.g., be more understanding) that can be applied to other areas for greater overall satisfaction.
- List these strategies for success and brainstorm with a friend how you can apply these strategies to the areas of your life you rated below a 7 (in terms of satisfaction).
Uncover Your Values
With this snapshot of your life and those strategies in mind, you can begin to pinpoint what matters most to you and the values you want to embody. To further clarify what those are, ask yourself a few questions. For example, “if someone were giving a speech about me, what qualities would I want them to mention?” Or, think of a time in your life when you were happy, where everything was going really well. Ask yourself “what qualities was I exhibiting in that moment?”
- With the answers to those questions in mind, list 5 or 6 values you think are most important to you right now. Choose values that if you honored more so (in the next year) you know you’d feel happier.
Embody Your Values
The qualities you list (e.g., compassion or energy) are most likely the ones that will lead you to experience more meaning and pleasure in your life. Moving forward, use these qualities as guideposts to make decisions.
- If you’re about to take an action that isn’t in line with (or enabling) these values/qualities, don’t take it or revisit why you’re thinking of doing it. With the “reason why” in mind, you can determine if there is another action that might be more aligned with who you are and what you want to honor in your life.
Set Intentions for Desired Outcomes
Deepak Chopra states: “Intentions are simply awareness tools to direct creative attention for spiritual growth. Intentions are how we harness the evolutionary power and intelligence of life to unfold our full human potential.” Evidence shows that your brain can adapt to the intentions you set. But, knowing that life can feel hard sometimes, you might find you don’t always have the motivation to develop intentions or pursue goals. So why should you formally establish them? Research shows that just having clear goals actually makes you feel happier. The mere act of setting and pursuing goals can affect your happiness, regardless of whether you attain them.
- Establish intentions (and goals) and be sure they are based on your values, desires, and personal definition of happiness and success (not your friends’, family’s, or society’s definition). When you develop goals that are true to who you really are, you’ll be more motivated to pursue them.
Write Down Outcomes/Intentions/Goals
Research reveals that writing down your goals increases your commitment to and your chances of achieving them and gaining success. The idea is that if you commit to an objective, you’re more likely to enjoy the journey toward achieving it. When you enjoy the journey (i.e., life) and feel good, you’re more likely to attain a better outcome and get closer to the results you want.
- Be sure these goals are written in a positive way.
Brainstorm Inspired Actions (Mini-Goals)
Take time to review your desired outcomes/goals for your life (now based on your values) and see what next steps (mini-goals) you’re inspired to take. They may be steps or actions you would have taken in the past, but now you will feel more motivated to take them. Or, you might imagine new steps and actions to help you achieve your desired outcomes.
- Make sure these mini-goals are truly baby steps toward your overall goal. You’re less likely to resist taking them. Then, plot them in your calendar as they will more likely happen if you allot a specific time to do them.
This type of thorough assessment is a great way to identify what you want to keep doing and what to eliminate in your life. You’ll be more aware of what gives you true pleasure and meaning, and you’ll be inspired to explore more of the exciting opportunities that come up in life. With a better understanding of yourself and what works for you, you’ll be more energized to go for what you want in life and be more likely to get it. And, you’ll be closer to “having it all!”
