Why Conventional Trust Doesn’t Work
Have you ever found yourself impatient wanting to know how something will turn out?
In fact, do you ever think these types of thoughts or questions:
- I want to know answers right now.
- Will I ever find the right job for me?
- I’m dying to know if I’m going to get promoted.
- I wonder if I’ll get engaged this year.
- Is he or she really committed to our relationship?
My clients often do. And, I have also considered them. We may try to rush getting answers to these thoughts/questions about our job search or while dating around thinking I just want to know where I stand!
In the absence of answers, we may take the approach of scanning our lives for clues of what will happen next or trying to predict how someone will act. Most often, we find ourselves frustrated wondering if we can really trust someone else to help us get what we desire or if our circumstances will definitely lead to the outcomes we’d like. In those moments, we relinquish power to forces outside of ourselves. It’s ironic, isn’t it? As we aim to rush results, know more and guide an outcome, we are basically trying to control more. But, we end up giving our power away.
What is it to Really Trust
So, what is it to really trust? One definition for trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Even the definition implies that “someone or something” – – which is outside of ourselves – – is involved in trust. But again, we never have any guarantees about how someone else will act or how something will turn out. I bet you’ve even surprised yourself (at times) when it comes to something you’ve done – not expecting your behavior.
This begs the question how can we ever have a firm belief in anything? What if the answer is we might not?
A Provocative Perspective on Trust
When I first considered this question, I thought it was a scary concept. But, after some time of better understanding it, I started to feel more liberated. My rumination and worry about what will happen in my life started to decrease. I noticed it was not serving me to “try” to trust someone or something.
So, what can one do if trusting others or situations isn’t possible?
- You can trust yourself.
You have more certainty about the way you’ll act or react in life than anyone else. So, why not start with and focus on yourself?
Just Trust Yourself
We’ve all heard that phrase before, but it can feel hard at times to do it. So, below I’m sharing 4 steps you can take to practice trusting yourself.
- Be aware of what fears come up:
Notice what self-limiting beliefs arise when you attempt to trust yourself. With that awareness, you can start to break down what you need to do to trust yourself more.
- Take action:
A way to mitigate that doubt in yourself or your situation is to take a small action toward your goal or desired outcome. It helps to diminish the power your negative self talk has over you. (Remember, it has to be a small step.)
- Trust in the process of life (allow):
Have faith in yourself that you’re doing all you can to create progress in your life. And, then allow what is to be. Maybe there is an even better outcome that you can’t imagine around the corner.
- Know you’ll be ok:
You were ok before this situation, so you’ll likely be ok after this situation passes. This belief instantly can provide a sense of relief and calm. Connect with your best self. Stay focused on being your best versus the obstacle in front of you.
I know this concept can be a provocative perspective. So, it’s helped me out to consider a visual way to remember to trust in myself and in the process of life. It’s to think of how a blade of grass grows. No one ever yells at a blade of grass to grow faster. We just trust it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen naturally. Sure, you can water it and maybe protect it from the elements, but you can’t speed up its growth.
So, focus on what you can control and let go of trying to control everything else (i.e., others or situations in your life). See how it feels. What can you do to nurture or protect a situation in your life while surrendering to the process of life to allow it to happen the way it’s supposed to happen?
