Milestone Birthday Reflections

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path.

Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” ― Joseph Campbell

I love this quote by Joseph Campbell. It’s a motto I’ve lived by as my path is not one of a traditional Sicilian-American girl or woman. And, I share it with all my coaching clients because when they come to me for a consultation, it’s evident they want to forge a new path of their own—one they haven’t seen in their lives. Although it’s scary, it can also be so exciting.

This quote is especially touching to me today as I hit a milestone birthday—the half century mark. It’s been interesting to watch my friends honor their 50th birthdays and express a range of emotions–especially in the social media world where you don’t know what is really going on in their daily lives. 

For me, I’ve also noticed emotions I can best describe as ranging from grateful to contemplative with a series of questions asking “what if…”

My Reflections

More specifically, as I reflect on the last five decades, I noticed a pattern occurring in my life where in the 9th year of a decade, there was an ending. When I was:

• 19 – Left my childhood home and lived at college
• 29 – I got divorced
• 39 – My Dad passed away
• 49 – Not ready to talk about this one yet 

 My spiritual coach shared how “9” is a time for closure or completion. 

That resonated and was comforting in some way since many of my years ending in a “9” were not the happiest ones. Of course, there were happy moments, but I also had to let go of relationships and dreams that I thought would be my life and my path. Regardless of how old you are, I know this is true for all of us in our lifetimes.

The Gift of Letting Go

With letting go—even in sad moments—there can be a lighter feeling, one of movement, a renewal and liberation. Even a time to welcome in a new opportunity. If we think of life as a river, we can decide if we’ll go with the flow of it or get stuck on a rock, an obstacle. I suppose I’ve been flowing—or at least getting past the obstacles of life—and I’ve found that both strength and surrender were needed to keep flowing. With this new decade, I hope to do the same and be open to new adventures, new stories, and new joys.

Knowing real life doesn’t always look like a Facebook post, I thought I’d share the tenets and principles I want to continue to live by that have helped me through the years and especially through the more difficult times in case it serves anyone else.

My Favorite Principles for a Joyful + Authentic Life

1. Be the loving witness or nonjudgmental observer of your life.

In ancient times, it was thought that the highest form of intelligence was being the loving witness of your life. No judgment. Can you imagine?! Over the years, I became analytical. My mind was vigilant to find the right answer to a problem. Now, I just notice my thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they arise. I aim to remain curious or have a beginner’s mind. This helps me have greater awareness and expanded consciousness. With this awareness, I make the best choice in the moment.

2. Practice emotional agility.

As humans, we have this gift called emotions. They don’t always seem like a gift. But they are, I promise.😊 Emotions can provide information and guidance if you remain that loving witness or observer of your life. Just notice an emotion and what it’s there to teach or show you. Remember, it’s ok to feel your emotions. You just don’t want them to take over. My favorite description of practicing emotional agility is to enter and exit emotions with skill and intentionality. Try it, and you’ll feel more internal peace.

3. Being perfect doesn’t give you a perfect life.

I know this is an obvious one. But, for anyone who is a high achiever or wanting to follow a clear path with perfect action, it’s not possible. I used to think there was the right choice when I was younger. The truth is that there is no perfect decision or action. The best thing to do is take “inspired” action—that is the best step with the information you have in the moment while keeping your vision or desired outcome in mind. Instead of getting what you think you want, you experience magical results better than you could imagine.

4. Remember that expectations = suffering.

This is another gem from my spiritual coach. It can sound harsh, and I used to share this tenet in a softer way reminding my clients that pain and frustration exists in our lives where there is a gap between our reality and our expectations. Most often, the truth or our reality is ok. You can get through the situation. What hurts is that you expected something else. Now I take inspired action and let go of expectations and immediately feel lighter and even happier, open to whatever shows up in life.

5. Trust you’ll be ok no matter what.

I grew up learning how trust was so important. It is but not in the way I thought. At the end of the day, you can’t really trust anyone or even yourself. We have no idea how someone will act. You can lovingly share your opinion, but you have no control over someone’s responses. And, you can’t control your outcomes. (Trust me, I’ve tried! 😉) But, what you can trust is you’ll be ok no matter what. It’s a provocative view, but it has helped me navigate difficult situations and relationships with more grace.

 Ultimately, I’m reminded that life is bittersweet. And, you’ll get many of your desires but they might not happen all at once or even look the way you thought. But, with an open mind and heart, I trust we can feel the sweetness more often and more deeply even in those bitter moments. And most of all, all those tough moments are sweetened by the love of family and friends and my amazing clients. I’m grateful for all of you. 🙏🏼