Expectations versus Agreements

Steve Chandler, one of my favorite Business + Life Coaches, shares an important distinction between having expectations and creating agreements.

Having expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration while creating agreements can lead to happiness. He furthers his point by reminding us that we have these choices in life when relating to other human beings. When we choose to have expectations of others, it can lead to toxic emotions and decrease chances for a good relationship. If we choose to create an agreement, we’re involving the other person in the process usually leading to a collaborative solution and better outcome for both parties.

You Have a Choice at Work + Home

This choice is relevant in professional and personal relationships. At work, you might notice that there are certain expectations of you or you have expectations of others’ job performance. At home, you might be expecting certain things to be done a specific way. We all know that it doesn’t feel good to try to live up to someone’s expectations. It can feel like a demand made on you. In fact, expectations include feelings you want others to help you feel. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone. It can build feelings of anxiety and fear. Although it takes time to discuss and develop an agreement with someone, it can feel good to create that together. You’re taking an active role and being responsible for your own feelings.

Ultimately, expectations are fear based while agreements are creative and courageous. Expectations lend themselves to blaming another and an argument can ensue if someone doesn’t live up to your expectation. And, you’re going to feel disappointed when an expectation isn’t met. Interestingly, you don’t even feel happy if someone DOES meet your expectations because you assume they should have, therefore it’s no big deal. So, aim for no expectations and only agreements. Creating agreements increases your chances of getting what you want when you want it. If an agreement isn’t met, you can easily reference the agreement and discuss next steps needed in a calm and responsible way. Agreements include kindness and a more forgiving attitude that can culminate in pleasant surprises.

So What Will You Choose? 

Remember, the choice is yours. If you want to push away the option to get what you want, have an expectation. If you want to attract more of what you desire, create an agreement. People want to stick to their agreements and have integrity. So take responsibility for your choices and how you want to show up. If you don’t like a situation, get curious and develop an agreement that changes it. With this approach, you become the leader of your life and energized to create the happiness you desire.

For additional leadership tips that lead to overall success, check out this article from Forbes where my Forbes Coaches colleagues and me share ways to “set expectations” the right way.